If Your Dog Could Talk,
Not Just Speak...
by Jerry Shields
Bear813@aol.com
(with the editorial assistance
of his Service Dog, BEAR)
Last issue the
editors asked me to introduce myself, tell my ‘history’ and explain a little
about my partner Bear. Well, while baring your soul may have a certain cathartic effect,
it is a bit depressing. After all, hearing about my woes is the technical equivalent of
looking at Uncle Henry's gall bladder scar. So I prevailed upon our editors to allow me
some journalistic freedom for this issue to allow me to share my somewhat warped sense of
humor.
My granddaughters
watch a current TV cartoon show whose premise is what the world looks like from the
perspective of a one year old. I think the show’s characters are called the
"Rugrats." Anyway I thought it might be interesting to consider what our dogs
might say to us if they had the gift of speech for maybe a day. In visualizing a dog for
this exercise, I pictured a Boxer for somewhat obvious reasons. Fairly intelligent,
usually good humored, likes people enough to bother to talk to them, etc. I am convinced
that some of those little table-judged dogs would still make yipping sounds and no one
would listen. So on with my interpretation of what the typical Boxer may say during the
average day.
 | Yes, I am smiling.
|
| I really do need
to be underfoot.
|
| Here, take this -
you don’t play enough.
|
| Have you
considered that chocolate may be bad for you, too?!
|
| I
have bad breath?! Two words - Shrimp Scampi!!
|
| Clean clothes need
to be marked before you leave this house!
|
| Sorry, cookies are
my weakness.
|
| The water in
‘there’ is cooler.
|
| Yes, I have to
lick your face, that’s the way we do it.
|
| Sorry, can’t
hear you, natural ears!
|
| Hey, do they have
to put so much garlic on the bait?
|
| What I
wouldn’t give for an opposing thumb.
|
| You should nap
more, then we would both want to play.
|
| Look, STAY! is
tough and I forget.
|
| House rules! If it
hits the floor it’s mine.
|
| But it’s fun
to bark at the vacuum.
|
| This is not
begging; I merely want a taste.
|
| Look I saw you
naked; we both need longer walks.
|
| I really hate baby
talk!
|
| Nice of you to put
a fresh tree in my living room. It’s mine now!
|
| Cats have been
known to chew slippers, too.
|
And finally:
| Look into my eyes
- you will see your best friend!
|
I am sure that you
can add a few of your own, but those are a few of mine. The other day on the Internet I
saw the following:
GOD
SUMMONED A BEAST
FROM THE FIELD
And he said, Behold
man, created in my image. Therefore adore him.
You shall protect
him in the wilderness, shepherd his flocks, watch over his children, accompany him
wherever he may go; even unto civilization.
You shall be his
companion, his ally, his slave.
To do these things,
God said, I endow you with these instincts uncommon to other beasts: faithfulness,
devotion, and understanding surpassing those of man himself.
Lest it impair your
courage, you shall never foresee your death.
Lest it impair your loyalty, you shall be blind to faults of man.
Lest it impair your understanding, you are denied the power of words.
Let no fault of language cleave an accord beyond that of man with any other beast; or even
man with man.
Speak to your master only with your mind and through your honest eyes.
Walk by his side: sleep in his doorway: forage for him, ward off his enemies, carry his
burdens, share his afflictions; love him and comfort him. And in return for this, man will
fulfill your needs and wants-which shall be only food, shelter and affection.
So be silent, and be
a friend to man.
Guide him through the perils along the way to the land that I have promised him.
This shall be your destiny and your immortality.
So spoke the Lord.
And the dog heard and was content.
-Anonymous- |
Bear
|
